1. Avoid stupid small talk.
No matter what whoever says, it is perfectly alright to just end an elevator conversation after a simple hello. You don’t need to fill awkward silences with an even more awkward conversation about how hot it is outside. Everybody knows how hot it is outside, you don’t have to make it worse by saying it again.
2. The only place where being glued to your smartphone isn’t a bad thing.
Smartphones let you do the one thing that’s totally accepted in an elevator – mind your own business. Why not, it’s just a matter of a few seconds. Unless you’re the liftman, then it might just be a little rude.
Flatulence isn’t very kindly received, especially in an elevator. Obviously. And if you haven’t noticed already, EVERYBODY knows who farted. So hold it in. For as long as you can. You never know when it ends up being a gas chamber.
Because, death.
5. Make sure you don’t smell like you’ve been marinating in scent all night.
Because, death.
6. If you’re the tallest in the lift, make sure you’re standing right at the back.
It’s basic courtesy to stand right towards the end of the elevator. However, in case you’re stuck right in the middle of everything at least make sure people around you get to breathe.
7. If you have to go to the first floor, there is no reason for you to take the elevator.
Don’t be that a**hole. Unless you have a broken leg, are pregnant or find an empty ‘lift’. Because Indians can’t differentiate between an elevator and an escalator. Hence, lift.
Smokers might not realise this themselves, but they do stink, enough to fill the space in the elevator. Carry a gum, it might not solve the problem, but it definitely helps.
Boss, unless you’re Ambani or Gosling, no woman will take your corny hello-madam-type lines seriously in life. Why waste energy only to be ridiculed when you can always swipe right?
Earphones are there for a reason, use them.
11. Don’t be the a-hole who presses random buttons.
Just don’t. Even 10-year-olds are called a**holes for doing such a thing nowadays, and you’re a grown ass person. Behave.
Sure, you might have been waiting for quite some time now but there is absolutely no need to squish your way into an already packed elevator. Let it go. Why make it uncomfortable for yourself and everyone else? Wait for another minute, or better still, take the bloody stairs.
It always makes things better. Unless you have a creepy smile because then it can be sexual harassment. Check your smile out in the mirror before proceeding with this point.
Bonus point –
PLEASE, OH GOD PLEASE DON’T START TAKING SELFIES WHEN OTHERS ARE AROUND. YOU’LL LOOK LIKE EVEN MORE OF A DUMBASS THAN YOU ALREADY ARE. Oh, and here is a weird selfie to mess with your mind.
